To Be Picky or Not to Be Picky, That is the Dilemma

Written by Will McDonough

Edited by Emily Sussman

Finding partners is one of the oldest problems in history, not only with humans but with all animals. While the search and standards have changed vastly over time, the fusion of the worldwide web and dating is one of the biggest revolutions to the process. Numerous websites and apps have given us more options than we ever thought possible. Dating is evolving rapidly and one question you should ask yourself when faced with so many possible choices at your fingertips is: ‘Am I being too picky?’

What are your Deal Breakers?

Everyone has a list, officially or unofficially, of deal breakers in potential partners. They vary from height requirements to hobbies. Now, deal breakers are good, because if you have certain values or aspects which are important in your life, you should be aware of those. For example, if faith is important to you, that should be an important factor to look for in a partner. However, your deal breaker list might be too long and too picky. Be careful of being too judgy with the little aspects of people. Another way to view this is to become more open to different types of people. Remember, what was true at one point in your life is not necessarily true at another point. Really ask yourself if something is a deal breaker, and if you cannot come up with a solid answer, then maybe give that person a chance. You never know what might happen!

You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.  ~Cher

The Ups and Downs of Pickiness

When discussing pickiness, most people think about the downsides, like saying ‘no’ to potential matches and dates. The upside of pickiness is thinking someone is out of your league. Wandering through life you meet people and think ‘no way, they will say yes to going out with me.’  Life takes strange twists and turns so better ask away. One never knows what might happen. Someone you think is out of your league just might turn into an amazing relationship.

Dating History Got you being Choosy?

Most people will have a relationship that ends badly at one point. Some will be unlucky enough to have multiple of these types of relationships. These unfortunate matches will affect one in many ways. If a potential match simply has the same name or shares aspect of the terrible former partner, it can turn you off quickly. It is not easy to recover from dark relationships, but do not let it make you picky to other great potential partners. Your dating history can cause you to be picky in strange ways, but do not let the past trigger you to turn your back on possible great matches.

Most people can’t find love because they’re picky, they overanalyze and they find things wrong in people. We call them flaw finders.  ~Patti Stanger

Reality is Not a Movie

One last point for you heading off into the fickle dating world: remember life is not going to play out like a movie or play. Beware of turning people down because they do not fit into your imaginary romantic movie scene. It is easy for anyone to become lost in a fantasy. Use your friends to help shake off fantasies and bring you back to earth.

Extra bits of information:

• Get Over History Induced Pickiness
• Picky Person Checklist
• Solve Your Picky Ways
• Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs