Testing Compatibility in a New Relationship: What to Look Out For

Written by Sari Ghamar

Edited by Emily Sussman

Strong relationships must start somewhere. A healthy relationship relies heavily on a good foundation between the couple. When approaching the dating scene, it becomes imperative for singles to really dig deep and self-evaluate to determine what they are looking for. Gauge your own certainty and determine whether your goals for a relationship are realistic . The first step in any relationship is testing your compatibility. Testing compatibility cannot be done without honesty. To start, be honest with your wants and needs! With that, you’ll be able to see potential partners for who they are, leaving you with the authority to decide whether or not a future with them would be fruitful.

Some factors to take into consideration when testing compatibility:

Money and Spending Habits

Money and finances always rank in the top 5 list of things couples disagree on. For couples who are on opposite ends of the spending spectrum, it becomes a battle between the spender and the saver. If not discussed early on in a relationship, trouble could arise. John Grohol of Psych Central notes that “couples who are on the same page with their money and finances will usually find it easier going than those with wildly divergent spending behaviors.”

Spirituality and/or Religion

People of different faiths or religious beliefs enter relationships that prove to be successful. Challenges and differing opinions may arise, but that will happen in any relationship, not just those with differing ideas about religion. However, if religion is a major component of your life and something you hold in high regard, it is vital you seriously consider the pros and cons of dating someone of a different creed.

Cleanliness

What’s going to happen if it’s time to move in together and your partner is secretly a giant slob? That nightmare is easily avoidable. Be upfront and ask! But remember, the definition of cleanliness varies between people. Compromise when it comes to tidiness is paramount. Minor arguments here and there over making the bed or vacuuming the carpet are fine and expected. It becomes an issue when the bickering escalates into something the two of you can’t handle.

Priorities

It seems obvious to date people with the same drive and priorities you have.  After all, you’re trying to find a partner for life! However, sometimes, you fall in love quickly without getting the chance to discuss future goals beforehand. Jobs, day-to-day routines, and relationships with family should align in some way. Let’s say your partner works a 12-hour work day. Are you prepared to adjust to their schedule while simultaneously balancing your own? At the end of the day, differences can be overcome by the level of willingness to put in work. Grohol adds, “If you’re on the same page about what your life’s priorities are, you’ll find you’ll have a lot less arguments about these kinds of issues. Sharing life will be easier as you progress through life at the same tempo.”

Life Goals

Is your new partner looking for marriage? Are they hoping to have kids someday? Are they saving up money to move to a house in the suburbs or an apartment in the city? Discuss these things! For a relationship to be successful long-term, you two need to be on the same page. For instance, it wouldn’t be beneficial to either of you if you would like to get married while they have no interest in it. Though dating this person could be fun and filled with passion, you’ll know it’ll lead to disagreements or maybe heartbreak. Be forthright with your intentions; ambition and certainty are attractive!

Sex

For the modern dater, sex and intimacy are important aspects of any new relationship. First comes attraction, then passion, then the physicality of it all. The first few times are usually good ways to decide whether or not you’d like to continue being intimate with your partner. If all goes well, the beginning and the newness of sex with this person is full of excitement. However, as the freshness wears off, it comes time to evaluate whether or not your sexual appetite is being catered to. Though awkward sometimes, it’s necessary to discuss your likes and dislikes, turn-ons, and turn-offs in the bedroom. Incompatibility in the sexual realm of your relationship is a no-go!

For some, compatibility can increase with time and compromise. For others, it may be more important to start a relationship with someone who is compatible on paper. In either instance, compatibility is not set in stone. Wants, needs, and desires are subject to change. What must remain, however, is the honesty between you and your partner. With truthfulness comes acceptance and enthusiasm to accommodate. A sign of true love is the willingness to make things like those listed above work even if it seems impossible.

Sources

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-absolute-must-haves-for-relationship-compatibility/